Been experiencing the worst of my PMS this month. if i've had any issue with controlling my emotions, then it has officially hit the level below rock bottom now. i need to find the better part of me desperately, i need to be in control cus i am pissing myself off every single day for the past week for throwing bitchfits. I can hardly keep up with myself and i do irrational stuff that i attempt to rationalize later on, but fail. I can do better than using the same disgusting line of "oh it must be my pms". i secretly roll my eyes everytime i say that. it's the lamest excuse ever for a hot-tempered person like me.

i need to breathe. and i need to stop being mean to my boyfriend. i'm truly sorry for being such a pain :(

oh well, there are greater things in life to celebrate for than the coming of my period... Like having a ball of a fun time at MG with the kids and everyone else :) it's like a home away from home.

Looking at the kids (though i'm not much older than some of them) reminds me of a time many years back. I really don't know what i was doing with my life then. I didnt like it when asked about my plans in life. I swear it's harder than an algebra question. But looking at them, they're all doing what they like and there's so much passion. but to be honest nobody really asked us what we really wanted to do before. all of us were just floating in our own little bubble of comfort, going in the exact same direction that leads to a supposed successful life..which we probably won't realise how scary it can be until we get there. but that's all good, floating is happiness for us. that's innocence. We'll probably be happy when we arrive, but we'll all look the same in the end - worn, resolved and practical. that's what most of us are now i guess, not that we're already 40 and dying but it's just sad to see some of our peers being sucked into this mean cycle of corporate slavery yet are surprisingly resolved to that fate.

we all know how society makes us conventional and complicated people. we read about it everyday. but we also know that it's not the end of the world :) we can still dream at 30, 50 or 80. we just need the guts to..and the determination to follow through. and if you're that lucky, you'll find someone who values and protects that for you :)

..and i can safely say that i'm one of the luckiest around :)